Dark Pasts
by RavensIvy
Summary: Elliot and Olivia are hiding secrets from each other, big secrets. But what they don't know, is who else the secrets affect... EO
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – What You Want vs. What You Have**

**Olivia's P.O.V.**

Why are life and love so complicated?

I saw a side of Elliot today I have never seen before. It was during the debrief for a case, a nasty one too. He seemed flighty and tense at a time when he's usually relaxed. Come to think of it, I can't blame him for being tense. The case was a bit close to home, especially for Elliot. A mother and her three children, all murdered by the children's father. Elliot took it hard; it reminded of his family, his life, his love. He has all those things: a family, a life, a love. He doesn't want anything else.

Me, what do I have? I thought to myself

_Me, my tiny apartment and not much else_

And what do I want?

_Elliot, purely and simply, Elliot._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – A Painful Secret**

**Elliot's P.O.V.**

Olivia knows something's up. She's seen the way my eyes have flickered in her direction lately. I couldn't help it. She saw my body language, watched me tense the first time we walked into that house. She knows there's something I'm not telling her. 

And she's right. 

flashback

_Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler walked up to the house that was the crime scene. Ducking under the police tape and risking a glance at each other in the presence of unknowns, they walked inside. "What have we got?" having always been the more verbal of the two, Olivia spoke first to one of the agents nearby. "Quad homicide, mother and three kids" came the answer. "All murdered?" Olivia was shocked; she was used to horrible cases, but not murders of this kind. The agent nodded. "Yep. All of 'um shot dead while they were sleeping by the father." _

"_Wow" was all Olivia could manage. The agent nodded again, sadly. "Yeah, the kids were all under 10, good smart kids they were too. If you look through the house, you can see awards for all three; sports awards, academic awards, medals for triathlons, every award you can think of has been won by one, two or all of these kids. And their father decided to take all four lives, just like that." _

"_Have you found any evidence regarding possible motives yet?" Olivia asked (Casey), suspicious that Elliot hadn't spoken yet. Olivia had been so busy concentrating on the case that she hadn't noticed him leave. She had been about to say something to him since it was the third murder case they had had in as many weeks but he wasn't behind her. (Casey) started to answer but Olivia stopped her. "Hold on. Where's Elliot? He's been acting strange lately. I need to find him. I'll be back" turning, Olivia exited the lounge room they had been standing in and walked outside, knowing that was where Elliot would be. _

_She found him sitting on the bottom step, head in his hands along with a picture of his wife and children. Olivia walked up to him slowly, sat down beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder "Hey El. You ok?" he turned to look at her, his face pale. "Yeah, I guess so" he mumbled, voice shaking. Olivia frowned, she knew her partner better than anyone and something wasn't right. "Elliot, talk to me." The gentle tone of Olivia's voice caused Elliot to lift his head, turn to her and sigh "This case reminds me so much of…" tears began to escape from his eyes as he tried to explain He stopped talking, simply sobbing into Olivia's shoulder. Olivia nodded, rocking him, holding him. She thought she understood; thought she knew what Elliot was going to say but she didn't. Only Elliot knew why he was breaking down. There were some things you never shared with others, not even your detective partner, especially the one you're falling hopelessly in love with. No, there are some things you don't repeat unless you have to; they are just too painful._

end of flashback

The case had continued, Cragen stood me down for the duration of the case after I briefly explained it to him. I begged him not to tell Olivia, promising to tell her eventually, in my own time. He had been reluctant at first, wanting her to know the truth. "The sooner it's out there and she knows, the better. You know she's the only one who can help you, Elliot." He had said to me, "the sooner you let her in, the better you will feel. I promise." I had reluctantly agreed to tell her at the conclusion of the case. Now that the time had come to tell her, I was tensing up, not knowing how to tell her the secret I have kept bottled for so long. 

I took a deep, shaky breath just as Cragen brought the debrief to an end. There was a scramble as most of the team rushed for the door, eager for sleep. I tried to catch Olivia but both she and Cragen disappeared into his office soon afterwards. I tensed, knowing exactly why she wanted to see Cragen: she would be asking about the last case, why I hadn't been with her, why she had been working with a temporary partner I knew she hated. 

One thing was clear though. My partner, Detective Olivia Benson wanted answers. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Answers**

**Olivia's P.O.V.**

As soon as the debrief was finished, I headed straight towards Cragen. I wanted him to tell me why Elliot hadn't worked the last case after the first scene visit; why I had had to work with that 'Michael' character, the son of a bitch who kept coming onto me. Both Cragen and Elliot know I hate working with virtually anyone but Elliot. And yet, Cragen allowed Elliot to miss the case for some unknown reason.

"Captain?" I say quietly, "May I have a few words?" he nods shortly. He knows, of course he knows. Whatever it was that had made Elliot unable to handle working the case, Cragen knew.

"Come into my office. We can talk privately there" relieved, I nod

"Thanks, Cap. I appreciate it." The two of us entered his office and sat down.

"Now" began Cragen, "What did you want to discuss?" "Well, Cap" I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm "I was wondering, why didn't Elliot work that last case? He was acting strangely secretive when we first went to the crime scene. He didn't appear with us at the scene after that. Why?" Cragen sighed

"Elliot and I have discussed our reasons" was all he said. I wasn't satisfied with that though.

"What reasons, captain? Reasons for what?" Cragen shook his head

"Elliot agreed to tell you. Why don't you ask him." He said simply, dismissing me.

"Elliot" I called as I ascended the roof stairs.

"Hey Liv" came the tearful reply. "You talk to Cragen?"

"Mm. He said you were going to tell me something. He was rather vague and confusing really" Elliot chuckled half-heartedly.

"That's because he doesn't know much either" that statement really confused me. "What? What do you mean? I don't - "

"You'll understand eventually." He smiled through his tears, his blue eyes sad. Standing up, Elliot sighed

"There's a segment of my past you don't know Liv." He said softly. I gestured for him to continue

"It's related to why I didn't work that last murder case."

"Tell me" I demanded gently.

"I will" he assured me "But not here. We'll go somewhere more private. There's a small café I like down 23rd. We'll go there" he spoke softly, but firm. I nodded, knowing from past experience I couldn't upset Elliot's security. He was about to tell me something big and I couldn't put him off.

I needed to know.


	4. Chapter 4

****

Chapter 4 – Revelation

**Elliot's P.O.V.**

Telling Olivia that I would reveal the part of my past she didn't already know about, was really rather nerve-racking. This part of my past was painful; it hurt to even think about the memories of it. But, I had promised Cragen and Olivia I would spill, so spill I would have to.

20 minutes later, we were seated in the little café, drinking coffee like friends always do. Yes, we are friends; but I can't shake the feeling that Olivia might want a little more. Although that may change after she's heard what I'm about to say.

We have been partners in the special victims unit for eight years; I feel terrible that there is a two-year segment of my past I have always kept from her. When I first met her, when I first saw her light brown hair and matching chocolate brown eyes; I was blown away. Now, those same features are right in front of me. The eyes are staring into my face, asking me to tell her.

So I do. Taking a rather shaky breath, I start to tell her everything about those horrific years.

_flashback_

_18-year-old Elliot and 17-year-old Olivia stood in the living room of their apartment. Both had hands on hips and both were glaring. Olivia was first to speak "You SOB! You said you didn't want children! We agreed we would use protection! And now here we are; we're supposed to be young and free! Well at least you're young and free! I'm just young and pregnant!" the 18-year-old hung his head and attempted to console his girlfriend "Hey come on! It's not all my fault! You said you were on the pill! You said that if you did end up pregnant, you wouldn't blame me! What are you doing now?! You're blaming me!" Olivia glared at her soon to be ex boyfriend. "How am I supposed to finish college, pregnant?! How are we supposed to raise a child with you going off to police academy?" Olivia gave an exasperated sigh "What are we going to do?" she said finally. Elliot was confused "In what terms?" he said quietly. Olivia set her frown a little more firmly "in all terms." She said through gritted teeth. _

_Nine months later…._

"_Mr Stabler, congratulations. You are the father of twins, a boy and a girl." The nurse smiled kindly at Elliot who grinned half-heartedly. "When can I see them?" he asked the nurse. Her face fell slightly "the boy is having difficulty breathing on his own. He should be ok for visitors soon enough." "What about the girl?" her face lit up again "The other is ok. Would you like to see her or would you rather wait until the other is up to seeing visitors?" Elliot frowned, "Can I see the girl? And please" he continued as she nodded "let me know as soon as anything changes with the boy" the nurse smiled "of course" she said. _

_About ten minutes later, Elliot stood proudly holding his daughter while Olivia lay in the hospital bed with the baby boy in an incubator across the room." Although he wasn't used to handling babies, Elliot cooed gently at the tiny bundle in his arms. "What are we going to call them?" he asked Olivia softly, looking into the face of his newborn daughter. Olivia sighed weakly "I dunno". Elliot looked into the tiny girl's face thoughtfully, "Emily" he murmured, "Emily Marie" turning to Olivia, he said "How about Emily Marie? It has a nice ring to it." "Emily Marie" Olivia said, testing the name. "I like it" she finished with a small, satisfied grin. "And the boy?" she continued, nodding towards the incubator. Elliot frowned, stuck "Uh…. Matthew. Matthew Dean" he decided finally, looking suddenly at Olivia. "Matthew Dean" she repeated softly "looks like our twins are officially named" she said with a smile. _

_Just then, the monitor attached to Matthew Dean began to beep fast and within seconds, nurses and doctors were bustling everywhere in the room. "Someone get me 100ml of Penicillin!" one was yelling. Elliot flattened himself against the wall. He was trying to see what was going on and keep himself and Emily out of harm's way. "What's happening?" he asked urgently to whoever would listen. "BP is 120/40" one doctor was saying nervously, ignoring Elliot's question. Almost as quickly it had started, the bustle finished. Matthew's monitor beeped at regular intervals and the doctors all exited the room, sighing with relief. Elliot walked over to Olivia's bedside, laid the now sleeping baby girl on her chest and turned his attention to the boy in the incubator. "Matthew Dean" he said softly. "You are the elder twin and because of that, you must look after your little sister. Even if you are the more fragile twin" Olivia grinned sadly, though she was glad for the joke._

_end flashback_

* * *

A/N: I bet you didn't see that coming!! Just wait, more surprises to follow!! In the meantime, please review and tell me what you think! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – Suprises**

**Olivia's P.O.V.**

"Elliot" I said softly, bringing Elliot out of his daydream to find me feeling rather uncomfortable.

"What? What is it?" his voice was soothing, pained and confused all at the same time. Soothing because I obviously meant more to him than I thought; pained because he had so many bad memories resurfacing and confused, generally confused as he tried to mask other feelings. I shifted in my seat, wondering how to break the news to my partner when I am still overwhelmed myself.

"I, well, I uh" I struggled to express my feelings as words, which only confused Elliot further. He rubbed my shoulder, allowing me all the time I needed. I took a deep breath,

"The Olivia you dated and got pregnant in the last year of college, she's sitting right in front of you" there, I said it; now he knew my secret and I knew his – the same secret. His eyes widened and he looked at me, surprised

"What?! You were the Olivia I got pregnant in college? You had –"

"twins" I answered sadly, "A girl and a boy, Emily Marie and Matthew Dean. Little Emily was your whole life. You loved that… those kids to bits." By now, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. He nodded, also with glistening eyes.

"Yeah" he murmured as I continued

"When the twins were 4 years old, Emily died of leukaemia. You took off at that point; you left me to take care of a young child, my grief and starting life after college." There was a sour tone in my voice now

"I want to know one thing, El. Why did you leave us?" I stare into his mesmerizing blue eyes, trying not to think about how sexy they look. He sighed,

"It was too painful for me to stay. Emily was the exact image of you Liv, even at that age. You reminded me of her to the point where I had to get away from the reminders, the memories."

I softened, knowing that Elliot took things hard and always to heart.

"You could have at least stayed for a little while" I said softly. He nodded, his normally bright blue eyes suddenly dull and still shining with tears.

"I know" he choked. "And I'm sorry.


End file.
